The 30th

I have been wondering what I could possibly do to mark this relationship milestone that would come anywhere near expressing the depth of wonderment and gratitude I have for my life partner Elsebeth.

She has been my best friend, lover, a marvelous mother to our beautiful daughter.  She has taught me how to think with my heart, and has been a counselor and confidant, and so much more.  And so I offer this memoir as a tribute to her in honor of the 30th anniversary of our marriage.

The circumstances of how Elsebeth and I met were magic.  We went on our first date on May 18, 1988.  Her visa expired, she returned home to Denmark that August.  Two months later, after deciding to come back to the US to be with me, she was able to do so by way of a visa that came with her new job at the Danish Consulate in Los Angeles.  How this all came together is an incredible story for another time.  Instead, this is the story of how we decided to get married, in our own unique way.

Thirty years ago this last January, Elsebeth and I were returning home from our yearly new years pilgrimage to Big Sur.  On the drive home we would spend much of the time talking about making plans, and sharing our hopes for the year ahead.  We had been living together for a little over three years.  Though we were very happy and comfortable with our relationship as it was, our casual conversation drifted into talk about marriage.  It was not too long into the drive that we happily decided that we would get married in the spring of that year, 1992.

Of course, the next discussion was how and when would we do this?  We were not making much money back then, so it would have to be a simple wedding.  We liked the idea of making it a celebration, but we did not want all the accompanying pressures for either us or our guests.  Elsebeth and I had been enjoying casual get togethers with friends and family at our quadplex rental in Culver City.  So, doing something more along those lines for the wedding seemed appealing.  But how do you do that and still make the event unique and memorable?  The answer; a “Surprise Wedding”.

Invitations went out asking our guests over to our place for a BBQ.  After all had arrived, we asked everyone to assemble in the front yard on the pretense that we wanted to take a group photo to send back to Elsebeth’s family in Denmark.  We had hired a minister who agreed to pose as a colleague from my work.  As is her way, Elsebeth prepared all the food, including some truly amazing cakes.  To this day, we refer to that cake recipe as “Our Wedding Cake”.

For our 20th anniversary I edited the video taken of the event.  My thanks to my daughter Christina for being my videographer.  What follows are clips from that video that help tell the story of that great day.

This first clip is about the set-up of our Surprise Wedding.  Turn on the sound and enjoy Django Reinhardt’s rendition of My Blue Heaven.

The only people that knew about our plans were my daughter Christina, and the minister we hired.  Even so, it was hard keeping the secret to ourselves.  The next clip is of the big reveal.  Listen to the reaction to our announcement that we are getting married, and compare it to the stunned silence when I say “we’ll go ahead and start”.

For those of you who don’t know, that big guy in the blue shirt is my Dad Gerry and the short woman next to him is my Mom Louise.

 

A word about the flowers.  After my first date with Elsebeth, I went up the Santa Monica mountains to pick some flowers for her.  There are these wonderfully fragrant yellow flowers,  Spartium junceum, commonly known as Spanish broom.  She loved them, and all the more so because her Danish friend, who had eyes for me, turned out to be allergic to them.  Elsebeth is not one to take delight in the misery of others, but she could not help herself in this case.

Each spring, on our anniversary, her birthday, and sometimes just because, I go out and pick these flowers for her in the early morning.  When she wakes up, many times she can smell the flowers before she sees them.  The morning of our wedding I had secretly gone out to pick them, and I surprised her with them just before the ceremony.

 

April 18 is also the birthday of my brother Patrick.  After Elsebeth and I performed the traditional wedding custom of cutting of the cake, we invited Pat and his wife Donna to cut the second one; in recognition of his birthday.  Pat is famous for his comedic pranks.  He would delight in doing and saying things to embarrass, shock, or otherwise get a laugh from those around him.  It is important to note that, like our Dad, Pat does not smoke or drink or have any such vice.  So, none of this impishness comes from a state of inebriation; it’s his way, and we love it!  Here he is performing with his favorite ‘straight woman’; his loving and very patient wife Donna.

Happy Birthday Pat!  I love you.

It was a great party.

The toast.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Brother-in-law Wayne and his son Sean.

Sean is sitting on what was then Elsebeth’s motorcycle.  For many years we each had our own bike and we rode all over California.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Above: My brother Kevin, daughter Alysen, and then wife Elyse.

Above: We thought that some guests would be inclined to give us a gift, so we decided to give each a note which in part read:

“There are many things we want, but since we have each other, there is nothing we need. For those of you who feel like they would like to give us a gift to mark this happy occasion we respectfully request that you do so by making a small contribution to one of the charities listed below.  For these, it goes beyond want and is truly a need.  It would be an honor and a blessing for us to be remembered this way.”

This is cousin Leslie Ameel who met her future husband, Carl, at our wedding.  While they are no longer a couple, they had a lovely son together, Carter.

 

 

 

 

My sisters Martina and Michelle.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Old friend Fred Tress, his then wife Cindy, and my bother Pat.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s a grainy video capture of My daughter and wedding videographer, Christina, and Pat and his daughter Amy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

On the left is Pat and Donna’s sons Max and Adam.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Donna and Pat.  They celebrated their 44th anniversary this past February.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pat and Donna’s daughter Amy with Aunt Martina.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Love of my life.